Spending what feels like a lifetime hanging out in gyms I've learned this one hard and fast rule; 
Resistance is a requirement to build strength. 

This week my husband and I have learned that lesson yet again but this time outside the gym. 

This past Friday (just yesterday) he heard the words no man wants to hear from the company he has poured the last few years of his life into, We're eliminating your position. It would be easier to take had he done a subpar job. But quite the opposite is true. He grew his division within the company every year for three years. And we have the bonus checks to prove it. So I am not looking for sympathy. And you'll see why...

And this is not the only thing that has gone wrong for me in the last few weeks. But I also didn't come here to complain.

Life has been interesting the last few weeks. But somewhere in the middle of it all I have felt God whisper to me. First, he lead me to books, podcasts, online retreats and friends that lift me up. He put in front of me the idea of picking a word for the year. Mine is not one word but two; Stand up. 

I was supposed to be at a silent retreat at Mercy Convent this weekend. An entire day to be silent and listen. I felt bad that I missed it. How can a person miss an opportunity to pray at a time like this? As I ran on the treadmill today I felt God assure me, I heard you the first one hundred times you prayed, in fact I heard you the first time. This is not what it looks like! This is not a time for prayer, it's a time to act. Stand up! This is Me answering you.

A few days ago I read the book The Travelers Gift by Andy Andrews, if that isn't God preparing me I don't know what is. Andy leads you through times in the lives of people we know today to be famous in history, like Christopher Columbus whom everyone thought was a loon, Abraham Lincoln who's conviction that all men are to be free led him through a war, and Anne Frank who we all know choose to be happy among some of the worst circumstances humanity has endured. 

So today I woke and I knew I had a choice. I had a choice to allow myself to feel like a pinball in the game of life or to know that I have a say in my fate. I knew it was not time to sit down and cry, it was not time to pray, I've been doing that for years. I was time to stand up.

As I lay in bed this morning not wanting to get up and wake Rob I was running all of this through my mind. And this sentence slapped me in the face...my smiling face. 

"This is the beginning of a great story." 

I thought of all of the adversity that those lives I had read about had not only endured but prevailed through. I thought about Abraham Lincoln giving the Gettysburg address just after losing a son and about to lose a second. I thought about Anne Frank hiding from Nazi soldiers, and I thought about my dreams. I thought about the ones I've already had and tried and failed at. I thought about the ones I've had that went well but were not made to last a lifetime. I thought about how that may look to others...and then I thought...I don't care. I may chase dreams but at least I'm chasing. At least I'm acting. At least I care enough about something to do something about it. Consistently.

So after Rob woke up I shared my new mantra with him. This is the beginning of a great story. 

I read him the stories of men who have been fired from massive corporations...publicly...doing the right things. Did I mention publicly?

When you've been fired you're among great people. 

I was watching a football game a few weeks ago and saw a story about a Head Coach that had been fired and a few days after his firing he received a shirt from John Gruden. It was a shirt for Gruden's "Fired Football Coaches of America" group — "a hangout where his coaching brethren could come to watch film and talk football." He was now among friends. I bet Gruden had to print a bunch of shirts over the last few weeks!

So today we dust off our knees and stand up.

Today we worked on our next dream. To own our own business. In fact we have been working on it for a while. Yesterday we just got pushed out of the nest. Maybe this one will last a lifetime, maybe not. But at the end we'll know we tried. We gave it all we had.

This is the beginning of a great story. And I am ok if you think I'm crazy. Everyone thought Christopher Columbus was too! This week I see the resistance and I accept it. Because I know that resistance is the only way to build strength. 

Jen

I want to tell you that I actually wrote that post several weeks ago but it never got posted. The Thursday after my husband lost his job my 50 year old Brother-in-law had a massive heart attack and went to be with Jesus. Andy Andrews would call that perspective. He left behind two very young children and my baby sister, now a single mom. I know she is up for the job whether she chose it or not. God is there.


More resistance. More strength.


I just want to tell you that I thought God had prepped me for job loss. I had no idea he had prepped me for such heartbreak. But he did. 


He did.


So I gave myself permission to take a few weeks off from the blog. To have time to love my family more. To breathe more. To live this life. 


I only tell you this because I spend a lot of time on this blog telling you what I think is good for us. What we should do and know and think. I just wanted you to know...it was my turn. I have turns too. And I have to take my own advice too. 


Be still. Breathe. It's ok. 


Resistance = Strength


So I'm back and stronger for taking some time. Can't wait to show you what I have planned for 2013!

Well my media break proved to be quite refreshing. I did end up popping on Facebook a couple of times for important matters, but all in all did a good job of avoiding it. And I have to admit that when I signed back on yesterday I felt my anxiety meter go up a bit. So my lesson learned is that Facebook (and the blog, and twitter, etc...) have their good points. I was able to get clothes for a girl in need last week because of Facebook. I'm able to keep in touch with my Runners in Recovery because of the internet. But to pop on there to just waste time is well...just a waste of time. We all have better things to do.


But I have to tell you about a book I'm reading right now. You must read it! Yes you! I don't care who you are you can benefit from this book. This book hits to the core of so much of why (all of us) do what we do. It's scary actually. But necessary. 

The book is called Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. I have highlighted so much in this book I should have just highlighted the stuff I didn't want to highlight. 

See I've been pondering the idea of self-compassion for a few months now. It's what I had in mind when I wrote this little apology/prayer/confession to Jesus. Jesus told us to love God and love our neighbor as ourselves. But I'm realizing that it's not just something Jesus told us to do, it's something He knows we already do. We don't have to work at loving our neighbor as ourselves. What requires work is treating our neighbor with greater compassion than we give to ourselves. If we are (and most of us are) harsh a judgmental to ourselves then that is how we will be to our neighbor (read spouse, children, extended family, friends, stranger in the store, etc...). What I'm finding is that the harsh judgmental exterior is usually a coverup for a harsh and judgmental interior. 

For example:

I hate skinny girls because I feel fat. 

Or pretty girls because I feel ugly.

I hate rich people because I am swimming in debt or didn't have rich parents. I don't really think money is bad or makes you bad I just don't have any and that makes me dislike you who do. 

Or as Dr. Harry Emerson Fosdick puts it,

(Had to toss that quote at my friend who poo-pooed my iPhone forever before she finally bought one...and SHE LOVES IT!) Hehe...it's my blog and I can gloat if I want to!  :)

Which makes me think of some other words from scripture that go something like: For with the same judgment you judge others, you will be judged. (Simple Girl Version)

I think there are theological ideas here that have to do with judgement...probably...you think. But once again I think God knows what Dr. Harry said to be true (of course I'm sure God knew it first). With the same rule we judge others, we are usually the only one who knows that we are using that same rule (if not more harsh) to judge ourselves. 

Because usually before and after each of those examples above our inner voice is busy telling us what we're not good enough at or dont have enough of. It seems the only way to release from the inner critic is to lash out at our neighbor. To compare. 

But according to Brene Brown, it's not the only way out. The other option is vulerability. To lean into it. To allow who we are and what we have to be enough. And to not lie to ourselves. 

Here is the real kicker - and the topic that has been bouncing around in my mind for months now:
Self-compassion.

Brene's book has made me really take a closer look at this self-compassion issue. Brene is a shame researcher. Sounds fun huh? Well it's really interesting. She uses her 12 years of research to show us how the only vehicle out of shame is vulnerability. Ugh. Really? Is there no other way?  

I understand this fear of vulnerability. Writing a blog is an exercise in vulnerability. A few weeks ago when my blog got over 3000 hits in one week (huge for me), I nearly lost it. Not in a good way. I didn't know what I felt. But a week later after reading Brene's book I realize it was vulnerability. I felt "naked". I felt naked because I know that this blog is full of my opinions. It's full of my heart. It's full of mistakes! 

But see that is the easy vulnerability. 

The hard part has been realizing how I am willing to be vulnerable publically. I can show off. But I am unwilling (or a least much less willing - maybe terrified) at being relationally vulnerable. I'm realizing it in my friendships, my marriage and with my children. I see the places I hold back and hold people at arms length. I say that figuratively and literally - I'm not a hugger. But I am also seeing the walls I've built that I think will protect me. When in reality they isolate me. 

And that is where I am...realizing it. Not much more. But this book is helping me. And I love when I can put something Jesus is working on me with and put it with something like the information in Brene's book. Steps out. Baby steps.

Jesus is right (I bet he is so relived to hear me say that), first we must love Him. Then we must love our neighbor as ourself. But am I the only one seeing the step in between that that requires me to love myself. That I should show the compassion of Jesus to myself. Because when I don't show it to myself I am unable to show it to others. 

I've been told all my life that this self-love thing is crap. As if it's secular, self-help pooey. I disagree!

What about you...

Want to see an amazing video of Brene Brown talking about shame and vulnerability? See her TED talks below.
They are worth your time. I was ordering the book before she was finished with the first talk. 

First: TEDX Houston Oct. 6th 2010

Then: She talks about her vulnerability hangover from that first talk here. 

The holiday's can be the most stressful time of the year. Not because of what they are but because of what we turn them into. This year give your self the gift of peace, love and relationships with my Tips for a Peaceful Holiday Season. 

Tip #3: Take a Social Media Time Out

This virtual life we live here on our blogs and Facebook pages can be so fun but it's never more compelling than the actual lives we live out here in the real world. 

Today I had the opportunity to run the Viva la Diva 5k race with an incredible group of women. These girls are in a recovery program where I coordinate a wellness program. They inspire me every day and I couldn't be more thankful for them in my life. You can see more about that here. We even have girls that have graduated from the program coming back to run with us. I love that! I also love that I get to share this with my own daughter, Chloe. That's her in the tutu. 

So sometimes I wonder how much I miss when I allow my computer to take priority over living out there in the real world, with real people, making real face-to-face relationships with people who need me and who I need. 

Not sure this one is for you as much as it is for me. The last few weeks have allowed my computer to completely consume me. Trust me, it's been super-cool to have my blog getting the amount of attention it's received over the last few weeks. Exciting stuff. But the more people visit my blog the more I feel the need to perform. And that is not what I'm about. I do want to enjoy success but I also want to enjoy life. So as of Saturday night I will be shutting down my computer and not reopening it until next Sunday. 7 days no computer. No blog. No Facebook. No tweeting. No peeking!

Honestly I'm not really sure if I can do it but I sure am going to give it a try. It's my phone I worry about most. It's become so automatic to hit my Facebook app anytime I'm sitting idle waiting somewhere. But I'm up to the challenge and I'm going to put an auto-reply on my email and fast from social media for the week. Why? Peace. 

It's time to be thankful. It's time to sit back, enjoy my family, put up my Christmas tree, listen to festive music, maybe read a good book...slooooow doooowwwwn. But I have to admit my computer whispers my name constantly. Every pass through my office brings a tap of the keyboard to wake it up and check to see if I have an email. 

Not this week! 

Do you feel like you own your computer or does it own you? Are you being constantly whispered to just like I am? Maybe you could join me this week and give it a try. It's only one week. 7 days. I really think we have forgotten the peace that we have allowed to slip away through our computer screens. Take a little bit of it back this week. 

I wish you and your family a happy healthy Thanksgiving. 
Thank you for being here and thank you for being here when I get back. 

Jen

The holiday's can be the most stressful time of the year. Not because of what they are but because of what we turn them into. This year give your self the gift of peace, love and relationships with my Tips for a Peaceful Holiday Season. 

Tip #2: Be the Light

We've been discussing ways to keep our sanity this holiday season. The holidays tend to not only bring a good amount of stress, but for many, they also deliver a good dose of depression. If there has been loss, disappointment, or challenge this year (or this life), it just seems so much greater as Christmas approaches. And really that's just the opposite of how it should work. We should feel hope, we should feel joy for our God thinking we were worth such a gift as His son, we should be happy. But if that's how it should be then why is it so hard? 


Sometimes we need to reach out to a friend and let them know what's going on. "We need others to stay on the path to hope, health, and happiness, and others need us. God uses our stories to offer hope to others." Scott Reall, Journey to Freedom. Sometimes what we need is a good dose of perspective.

I believe that one of the best ways to keep depression at bay and bring some light and peace into our world is to get out of our own heads, our own neighborhoods and our own pitty party and go help someone who is worse off than us. I know that we think that is not why we should be helping others. But it sure sounds to me like what Isaiah was trying to tell us in the 58th chapter of his book: 

Isaiah 58:6-8 New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)
"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter--
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard."
(Italics mine)

Are you in need of your "light breaking forth like the dawn" or feeling like God has your back? I can tell you from experience that there is a plan for breaking free from ourselves in this passage. There is healing. There is hope. And the beauty is that God uses this prescription to heal two of His children at once. 

Get out in your community and serve someone Thanksgiving dinner or Christmas brunch or bring gifts to children who will not have a present without your presence. Don't just send a check or a gift. See them face to face. Know their name. Learn their story. They are always willing to speak to a listening ear and you will walk away blessed. I mean, don't you love to have a listening ear. They are us, we are them. 

Christmas should be about all of our "light breaking forth like the dawn." 

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning.Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.  In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness..."
John 1:1-5New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)

Wishing you much Light this Holiday Season!
Love, 
Jen

The holiday's can be the most stressful time of the year. Not because of what they are but because of what we turn them into. This year give your self the gift of peace, love and relationships with my Tips for a Peaceful Holiday Season. 

Tip #2: Celebrate Life, Not Stuff

 It's all about People. With so many of us cutting budgets this year it's the perfect time to refocus our holiday energy to where it should be, our loved ones. Let's resolve to not worry about the present's and just be present. 

One of the best ways I have found to refocus with my kids is to learn a new tradition. The year before last I decided we would celebrate Hanukkah to teach the kids about the Jewish holiday traditions. I did a little research, with the help of Google and a couple How to be Jewish books, took a trip to target for some supplies and set up a place (ironically, right under a our cross on the wall) for us to celebrate Hanukkah. 

It's a wonderful way to recenter your holiday. I bought a Menorah at Target (which in itself was eyeopening - a whole store of Christmas and one little end-cap for Hanukkah), and each night we would light the appropriate candle say the blessing for that particular day. And each night the kids received one small gift (couldn't break tradition - but I did keep them small as to not change the focus). 

The kids even learned how to play the dreidel game. Last year as I unpacked the Christmas stuff the kids immediately grabbed the dreidel and began to play. I couldn't beleive they remembered. Celebrating Hanukkah was a great time of bonding, scripture, prayer and learning more about God's people. 

One year I had us all write out the Christmas story from Scripture on ribbon and then we placed the ribbon on the tree. That was fun and a great conversation starter for guests who noticed our handwritten ribbon. (I did that a few years myself before the kids were able. I like to write so it was great to actually write out the story to start my season off right.)

Sometimes all it takes to slow us down and allow us to focus up is a little change in tradition. If the way you've been doing it leaves you feeling like you were hit by a sleigh full of reindeer then maybe this year it's time to try something new. 

These are a couple of the things I've done to change focus a bit. What have you and your family tried? 

Jen

The holiday's can be the most stressful time of the year. Not because of what they are but because of what we turn them into. This year give your self the gift of peace, love and relationships with my Tips for a Peaceful Holiday Season. 

Tip #1: Schedule a Planning Session with Yourself

I know you don't like this one, and I'll admit it's the most time consuming tip you'll get, but it will save you time and immeasurable amounts of stress later on. You don't have to do the planning today, but put some time on your calendar for planning this week (preferably this weekend). Take 2-3 hours this week to plan the next couple of months. This doesn't have to be a terrible experience. Enjoy it knowing the peace your allowing your spirit later in the month. Sit down with your calendar, a pad and pen, maybe some comforting music and glass of wine ;), and plan away. A few hours now will save you many hours of sanity later. Our time will get away from us over the next month so do this now and you'll thank yourself later.

Don't know what to plan?

Try these ideas: 
 
List the parties and gatherings that you will attend (whether at your home or family and friends): 

     List the items you need to bring to these gatherings: 

     If it's at your house make your menu - Need help here is a holiday planner from Organized Christmas
     
     From that menu make a grocery list. - Here is my favorite Grocery List App

     If it's at a friends house decide what you'll take with you (appetizer, side dish, gift, wine?) add it to your list.

Last make a Christmas shopping list for gifts and make a budget for each person. Be realistic and stick to it. 

Now relax the hard part is done and behind you for the season.

If you're like me the idea of doing all of this is daunting. But I also know that it's what will most drain me and keep me from enjoying the holiday's with my family later on. So let's resolve to enjoy our holiday and schedule a planning session with ourselves this weekend. 

Happy Holidays!
Jen

A couple weeks ago as the trees began to turn to their fall beauty, Donald Miller posted this on his Facebook page, "All the trees are losing their leaves, and not one of them is worried." 

For the next few days as I drove from place to place I watched the trees. The colors this time of year draw my eye so fiercely I'm a danger on the road (I have no excuse the rest of the year). But I kept hearing these words of Don in my mind as I watched the trees and I wondered what it would be like to trust God like those trees.

This is what fall does to me. Feel free to add your own below...

Jen


PS - 

Want to join us for a Facebook Book Club for the book A Year of Biblical Womanhood by Rachel Held Evans? Click here. 

Next up: Storyline, by Donald Miller 

I'm reading the book A Year of Biblical Womanhood by Rachel Held Evans. It's been so fun. Rachel is hilarious and intelligent and honest all to a point that it really hits home with me. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading the book. But then I hit the chapter on beauty. And well, now, I'm just pissed. 

And so I did what I do when I get that way - I went for a run. Because sometimes my wires get so crossed I feel like my brains will explode and a long run is the only way I know to uncross them. And look what I found on the ground as I was running...

That is why I run. Somewhere in the run I'm reminded that it's all ok. God is God. Every run is a "worship encounter with the God who is." He helps me uncross my wires, unload and refresh.

And here is what I was sorting out...

In this chapter on beauty I read quote after quote that sounded like this one from the book Recovering Biblical Manhood & Womanhood by Dorothy Patterson; "God's woman gives time and effort to her appearance..." There was more. And it got much worse. I would share them with you but I decided I'd rather not spread the spewing of God-guilt any farther. Let me be clear. The views that have me so up in arms were not Rachel's views. She was just using them to make a point, she was quoting other authors and pastors. But it all hit me in a place that just made me mad. Why? Because I have to ask you this...If being "God's woman" requires, or even suggests, that we give time and effort to our appearance then please tell me how much is enough?

Rachel also reminded us of the views of many have that Christian women have the God-given responsibility to keep themselves a certain way so that their man will not be "tempted to stray."

To which I ask you again; How much is enough? 

How much do I have to weigh so that my husband will not look at another woman? Do I need bigger boobs or do I need a reduction? What about my hair? Blonde or brunette? Short or long? Curly or straight? Do I need to look like a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader or Jillian Michaels? Or ok, let's get Biblical. Should I follow after Queen Esther? Or poor Vashti, beautiful Vashti, if only she had been willing to flaunt her beauty for her man. (Where do I get my "Team Vashti" sticker?) 

Where does it end? 

I'll tell you where it ends with some women; anorexia, bulemia, compulsive exercise, depression, and/or paranoia. 

See I can't even go down that road. I can't allow myself to think that I need to look a certain way for my husband to remain faithful to me or that it's my responsibility as a Christian to do so. There is always a woman prettier than me, thinner than me, in a better mood than me. I can't be all things all the time. I cannot compete with an ideal woman I don't even know exists. I am a mother of two, I have responsibilites. If my husband decides to shack up with some young thing that has never had her uterus streched to oblivion, is there anything I can do about that? I can't compete with that. And I won't. I think that is a perfect way for us to get distracted from being a real change in the world. Keep me so busy worried about my husband leaving me because I'm not hot enough and you keep me from being a force for good in this world. 

I will not buy into the lie that I can control the behavior of another person with my actions or my appearance. That is not loving your mate that is manipulation. Oh, but wait! Women and manipulation - that is Biblical. You can find plenty of that in the Bible. And each time we see how it adversely affected relationships and yet we still think we can pull it off. 

I own a house and I take care of my house. Why? Becasue I have one. I care about it. It's where my family calls home. I have a car and I fill it with gas, take it for oil changes (usually late), and I wash it. Why? To keep it running so I can get from point A to point B. I have a body that God gave me. So what do I do? I take care of it. I eat right most of the time, I get some exercise, I sleep, I play, I live. Why? Because this is the only one I get. It has to make it the rest of my life. It's mine. When I treat my body well life is just better. Not to mention, my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, I should thank it accordingly. 

I have a marriage. And there are many things that go into making sure that I keep that marriage healthy; conversations, love, respect, etc... I heard this said once and I agree, "You've heard that marriage is 50/50. I tell you that marriage is 100/100 and at any point either of you have to be willing to give the 200." I love it. We all have bad days. But what matters is I give my marriage 100% every day in many ways. I also have to be willing to carry the 200% on the day's my husband is not able to carry his 100%. And he has done that for me. I run and my husband likes to run, but I hope that he is not running to keep up an appearance for me. I hope that he is training his body to go the distance so that we will have a long life together. I train mine for that. I train it so that during the time that I have to carry the 200 I'll be of sound mind and body to do so. That is a marriage. Keeping up my appearance to keep him is not. 

See I would let this all go if it worked. But it doesn't work, not in the world (look at Arnold and Maria she is a knockout) and it doesn't work in the church. 

And by the way Ms. Patterson I know so many women that are serving God in such incredible ways and it has nothing to do with their appearance. Maybe some of us need to spend a little less time in the mirror and a little more time actually following Jesus somewhere. Because being "God's woman" does not require that we all get jean's with crosses on the butts (a rant for another time), it's requires that we be willing to get our jeans dirty for the sake of others knowing the freedom in Jesus. And sometimes that messes up my hair!

Thank you Rachel for making us take a look at this. Thank you for reminding us that we are more than our looks, to God an our husbands. 

Done...for now.

I have known the Proverbs 31 woman since I was a child. Introduced to her early in my evangelical tradition I have known all the tireless ways a woman is to serve her man, her family, her community and her God. And now as a mother and wife, only a small "stones throw" from the same evangelical influence, I am consistently reminded of my list of to do's as a real woman of God. We've ignored the fact that Proverbs 31 was written about a woman who did not actually exist. It was an acrostic, a Hebrew poem, about a woman of valor of which, "who can find?" 

I don't do a whole lot with firm consistency, but one thing I am trying to be steadfast in is my honesty on this blog. And if I am being honest about the P31 woman I have to tell you, I hate her. She has always, and still to this day, makes me feel less than. I have never lived up to her and feel that I never will. A couple years ago I wanted to attend a conference for women speakers and I told my husband of my desire to be there. But as I looked at it more, the more I was intimidated into not attending. Why? Well first of all, because I couldn't afford it. But second, it was put on by a group that calls themselves Proverbs 31 Ministries. I knew (or at least I told myself) that I wouldn't belong. I had this idea of being critiqued by these "Proverbs 31 women" and it had me breaking out in a sweat just thinking of it. 

It took me 8 years into being a mother to figure out that I may actually have a shred of motherly instincts.  I was the girl who never wanted to hold a baby because I made them cry. If I am being honest, I didn't enjoy being a mom until my kids could wipe their own butts. I couldn't cook (something I actually do love now - but I hate cleaning it up). I don't sew. The only thing I know that I do well that the P31 woman does is rise before dawn. I am a morning person. But see, that in itself is a curse because as a morning person I am not a night person. I am useless at night. My friends know not to call me after 8 unless it's an emergency. So then I have to wonder if my inability to keep my "lamp lit at night" (v. 18) negates my enthusiasm for rising before dawn, because for the life of me I cannot do both. I think that is what some women would call balance. I have ADD. Balance is not in my vocabulary. And my children do not "rise and call me blessed." They walk into the kitchen after I have spent 4 hours preparing a homemade meal and they ask for a hotdog. 

But, right now I am reading A Year in Biblical Womanhood by Rachel Held Evans and for the first time in my life I feel like a Proverb 31 woman. I feel like I may actually make the cut.

Rachel's book is just what it sounds like. For a year Rachel studied Biblical womanhood and set out to literally follow as much as she possibly could. The first couple of chapters amused me as she made her way through a Martha Stewart cookbook, called her husband master and practiced what it meant to have a "gentle spirit." But then she took on the P31 woman my ears perked up and I may be forever changed. 

It's not long before Rachel finds herself admitting that she was nothing but discouraged by her attempts to become the literal P31 woman; "I had to hand it to her. In less than 14 days the Proverbs 31 woman made me feel guilty, inadequate, and poor." 

A woman of valor who can find?

Just as Rachel is feeling discouraged and ready to quit her attempts at being a P31 woman (and has quit some), she gets an email from a woman who is a Rabbi's wife and Orthodox Jew that lives in Israel, whom she has been corresponding with. The woman reveals to Rachel that in the Jewish tradition it is not the woman who remembers and recites Proverbs 31, but the man. 

The Jewish woman tells Rachel that Proverbs 31 is sung to her each Sabbath by her husband. Ok, can you picture this? Her husband sings to her, to honor her, a woman of valor, each Sabbath as they sit down to eat. It's odd and beautiful all at the same time. And only odd because I couldn't get my evangelical guilt out of the way long enough to hear my husband even if he did break into song at the dinner table. 

I've been steeped in a tradition of checking off a list of things I needed to do to be this woman, when all the while she made me sick. Why? Because she didn't jive with my God. Since when are we to perform for God? 

Eshet Chayil = woman of valor

When thinking of the empire that has been built in books, Bible studies, and even conventions, pointed at attaining this Proverbs 31 ideal Rachel notes, "No longer presented as a song through which a man offers his wife praise, Proverbs 31 is presented as a task list through which a woman earns it." 

But after learning from her Jewish friend Rachel finds that, "Eshet chayil is at its core a blessing - one that was never meant to be earned, but to be given, unconditionally." Now that is the God I know!

Rachel decides, "As I saw how powerful and affirming this ancient blessing could be, I decided it was time for Christian women to take back Proverbs 31. Somewhere along the way, we surrendered it to the same people who invented airbrush, Auto-Tune and Rachel Ray. We abandoned the meaning of the poem by focusing on specifics, and it became just another impossible standard by which to measure our failures. We turned an anthem into an assignment, a poem into a job description." Why do we have to measure everything? Why?

She adds, "...the woman described in Proverbs 31 is not some ideal that exists out there; she is present in each one of us when we do even the smallest things with valor." 

Rachel's husband Dan, who has been front and center for her attempts at becoming this ideal woman, begins to point out to her each time she does something he would want to praise her for, and he does it with an enthusiastic, "Woman of valor!" or "Eshet chayil!" Rachel comes home with pizza, "Eshet chayil!" Rachel gets paid for advertising on her blog, "Eshet chayil!"

I love it! 

I looked up the meaning of valor according to Merriam-Webster; "strength of mind or spirit that enables a person to encounter danger with firmness; personal bravery." I know so many women who fit this description. When I think woman of valor I see a woman fighting cancer with strength of mind and spirit. Eshet chayil! I see a friend, or sister, or mother, sitting with that woman with cancer while her laundry piles up at home. Eshet chayil! I see a single mom working 3 jobs, and no, she cannot check off everything on that list from Proverbs 31, but she embodies personal bravery. Eshet chayil! I see a woman fighting her addiction she picked up as a child to band-aid hurt from a trusted family member. Eshet chayil! I see Glennon Melton. 

Glennon, a recovering bulimic and alcoholic, is one of the most broken women I can think of who is kicking some ass in the world. Glennon is the founder of a blog called Momastery, and a non-profit called Monkee See - Monkee Do. She started as a blogger who wanted to make a difference in the world and today, as I type, Glennon's love has reached to a school of special needs kids who are getting a school makeover from Monkee See - Monkee Do and Microsoft. Meanwhile, she is doing all she can to keep it together personally. Eshet chayil! Glennon has a book coming out soon called Carry On, Warrior. Carry on eshet chayil...carry on woman of valor. 

I see Proverbs 31 women all the time. I don't see her checking off boxes on a list of to do's to gain the praise of her man, or her God, or her friends. I see her loving. I see her allowing the dishes to pile up to sit with a friend and cry or laugh...or both. I see her getting behind on cleaning the bathrooms to make cupcakes for the soccer team. I see my friends who give up free time to sit with the homeless, addicted, and hurt to follow Jesus into uncomfortable places. And my list goes on an on. 

I agree with Rachel, it's time to take back the Proverbs 31 woman because she is present in each of us when we do even the smallest things with valor. 

Carry on, eshet chayil!

Jen